Weary Saints

Get some free music!

2009-11-07T16:15:00.000-08:00

When I was in Huntington a little while back I recorded some local artist, and all the songs are available for stream/download here. If you like the tunes please spread the word! Thanks!

Exciting things are happening

2009-09-20T12:47:00.000-07:00

On Thursday I'm taking a 5 day vacation to Huntington, WV to spend some time with some friends that I haven't seen in a long time. While I'm there I'll be recording some acoustic tracks from several of them that are really talented and that I think should be heard. After I get it all done and get some time I'm going to put the songs somewhere on the web to be downloaded for free and I'll put a link up here. It should be a lot of fun, and free music is generally a good thing. It's going to be a blast!

Other than that, everyone should go buy the new David Bazan and Thrice records, they're both unlike most of each artist's discography, and although they are written from contrasting viewpoints, the former is about him not being a Christian anymore and the latter is some of the greatest faith-based music that I've ever heard, I think they both offer equally thought-provoking content. Regardless, they're both full of good songs. Hope anyone that happens to read this has a wonderful week.

What is the price of honesty?

2009-09-02T11:43:00.000-07:00

The other night a friend sent me a link to download a documentary about the band Underoath. I expected to see a lot of live footage and the usual funny backstage banter that you normally get with any film that comes out based on a band. Throughout the two hours of the it though, I was extremely surprised at how honest this look was into the lives of the band. The camera was exactly what it should have been for a documentary type film, it was an unbiased observer, for the better or worse. I could quickly see why Tooth and Nail wouldn't let them release the feature, as a lot of the content focused on the amount of money that the band was making and how they weren't seeing any of it.

It's easy to think that more popular bands such as Underoath are living the easy life. They play big shows, have a bus driver, a crew to set up their gear and get to travel all over the world. That is not the case though. In one segment of the video one of the guitarists, Tim McTague, shared the fact that in 2007 (when this was being filmed) the band had made $1,000,000 from January of that year to the present and yet had only received $24,000 of that, which was to be split among the six members. This is coming from a supposed "Christian" record label. Ugh.

At one point, they showed a fan talking to McTague, attacking the band for using their Christianity as a marketing tool to make sure that they sold a lot of tickets/records since that's how the Christian market is. (If you don't believe me just take a second to think of how many big Christian artists have been around forever and still make a ton of money...or just look at televangelism.) McTague made the rebuttal that if they wanted to do that, it would be easy to play churches every night for $40,000+ guarantees and that they could make much more money but that they intentionally don't play Christian venues simply for that reason. This brought up something that I had struggled with in my personal life a lot for the past 3 years or so.

When I lived in Nashville I attended Lipscomb University for a year, then took a year off to just work and play music. During this time I was doing my best to not ask my parents for any kind of extra monetary help (they were paying my car insurance and cell phone) as I believed that they were doing too much for me already. Being a member of a unknown band wasn't bringing in any cash and I worked at an electronic store making $6/hr + commission. That sounds cool, but on big ticket items I would receive 1% commission, where as I would get 10% on overpriced accessories (cables, speaker wire, warranties, surge protectors...etc). I specifically tried not to sell anyone something they didn't need, because I didn't want to feel like I was cheating anyone or lying to them to make my check a little better. This is where I felt a little betrayed though. I thought here I am, being honest, doing what I feel is right, and yet the best I can afford to do for myself right now is sharing a one room apartment (not one bedroom) with two other guys and eating a diet of mostly ramen and spaghetti-os. I remember one customer coming in one day wanting to buy a TV, and after figuring out what size he wanted, what kind of things he was going to be hooking up with the tv and whether he wanted LCD or plasma, I began making a few suggestions for him to consider from different companies. When he decided on the one he wanted, he said something along the lines of "Well hopefully this is a good price and what I need and you're not just pushing this on me to get some commission on your next check." I was so mad for a second that he would say this, to the point that I explained to him that I would be making about $1.50 on this sale, and that if I wanted to do that I could have convinced him to buy a $150 surge protector and make an extra $15. He didn't believe me at first, but I explained exactly how our payroll worked and that it meant more to me that he got a good product that he loved rather than for me to screw him over and make money. He ended up being a return customer. I was very thankful for him as he would buy something every now and then that he knew he didn't really need, or could get cheaper somewhere else, but that would give me a little extra on my check. I still felt like I was being cheated though. I felt that if I was doing everything the way God wanted me to that life should be easy, that everything should be working out and that I should be comfortable. Another instance that I'm reminded of is when my band was asked to play a retreat for a church in Redding, PA. It was a 24 hour drive round trip, but one of our friends was setting it up and we said that if they could at least cover part of travel that we would do it, just because it would be a fun show. We got there, played and were about to settle in for the night so we could make the drive back the next day when the guy who put it on hands us an envelope containing about $600 more than we would need to cover all the travel. It was a huge blessing, and even though I felt a little weird about making a $200 profit on a 45 minute set for a church function, I was hoping this was God giving me this and not me being greedy for taking it. It did pay the rent and bought me a good meal though, haha.

In any event, here's what I want to say. I think that all these instances show two things in a real way that we're told through God's Word. He tells us that we should know He cares and that He will take care of us, if only for the fact that we can see how He cares for the sparrows. He also tells us that our reward in the next life is going to be so amazing that we cannot even begin to fathom it. So regardless of if you have a crappy job or if the person doing things that you think are awful seems better off than you with their job, grades or relationships with the opposite sex, just know that we are promised something so much better just around the corner by a God who is not in the business of breaking His promises.

2009-08-27T23:33:00.000-07:00

i promise if i came into a large sum of money tomorrow that after i took care of my parents, some people i think deserve much more than they have and a few organizations i would buy my own house somewhere on the outskirts of some town that has hardwood floors and i would build the greatest recording studio ever. i would also get a boarder collie or a great dane. i can't decide if i want a dog that is a genius or an idiot.

2009-08-12T13:11:00.000-07:00

My friend Benji Taylor never ceases to amaze me. He has a new worship EP coming out with four originals and one cover on it, and the majority of it can be found on this myspace. The last track on there is my favorite so far. Please share this with your friends and pick up a copy when it comes out if you dig it. Thanks for checking it out.

2009-08-11T08:59:00.001-07:00

but i've seen what happens to the wicked and proud
When they decided to try to take on the throne for the crown

2009-08-07T23:01:00.000-07:00

i need to start being more open to learning and new experiences, but i can't throw caution completely to the wind. this is my goal for august. time to get things right.

"If we could only see us now..."

2009-07-28T14:27:00.000-07:00

Sorry that this is so long. Hopefully it makes sense to someone other than myself, haha.

The other night I decided to text several friends that I’d lost touch with, just letting them know that I was thinking about them and that I was thankful for their influence on my life. It was awesome because most of them sent back some really cool responses and it was good to hear from them. I even got to talking to my friend Christina who I hadn’t really talked to since leaving West Virginia about 6 months ago. We started off talking about what we were each up to, she told me her plans for school in the fall etc. and I told her about work and about some stuff I was trying to get going. We eventually got on the subject of Ohio Valley University, the school that we both attended in Parkersburg, which led to some good conversation about church and the nature of God. These are the kinds of discussions that I love. I really enjoy hearing opinions from other people on these subjects and just taking in that person’s relationship with God and how they feel about the state of things now.

Christina and I come from very different backgrounds when it comes to church and faith and those kinds of things, which is really cool as far as I’m concerned. I was raised in the Church of Christ, a super conservative church that doesn’t (usually) have instrumental music or clapping/dancing/raising of hands and when you’re saved it doesn’t really come with a prayer, only baptism. Christina attends a church on the other end of the spectrum. Spiritual gifts, dancing and guitars are all things that are in attendance during their Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday services (which I have no problem with personally). We both talked about how OVU, and the Church of Christ (OVU is a Church of Christ school) mentalities seem to be somewhat of a breeding ground for the people who are so quick to say that this or that person is going to Hell for this or that because the Bible doesn’t instruct to do it. This has always perplexed me, and it’s not just an OVU thing, not just a Church of Christ thing, it’s across the board. Everyone thinks that they're right in what they're doing, or else they wouldn't be doing it, for the most part at least.

I see different churches and the way they do things and my best guess is that all we can do is study the Word and model our life on that while we find a place to worship that is preferable to the other places available to us. Is this wrong though? How can we be sure? I’ve adapted these questions to the concept of being born again that comes with being saved. Sure this is about being made clean and free of sin, but couldn’t it also be about us having to start a new life mentally too? I’ve learned to love the phrase “new Christian” in this light as well. None of us, as humans, grow at the same rate. We all experience physical changes at different ages and we mature at different times as well. I think this applies to our spiritual lives just as much as it does to our physical bodies. In my opinion, I can’t see how anyone can really expect for another person to be on the same page as them when it comes to something as personal as faith. We all have different ways of learning and understanding as well as different influences outside of ourselves that will mold us into who we are, as a human or a Christian. With that in mind, how can we say that this or that person is really wrong with their faith, or that they are remaining stagnant because they’re not going outside of their comfort zones? Aren’t we all just in our comfort zones? No matter where you worship, you must at least feel comfortable there, you must feel like you belong or that you gain something from the other members that you come in contact with.

Growing up in the church that I did was a good experience for me as I had several youth ministers in my life that were a little “out there” as some would say, but as far as I could tell all that meant was that they were actually striving to follow the Gospel of Christ rather than the cultural norm of the congregation that they were employed by. I really value this because it brought me to a place (along with a class I took instructed by the wonderful Dr. Earl Lavender while at Lipscomb and some youth ministry classes taught by a man named Jeff Fincher) where I was able to adapt what I had learned and what I continue to learn to my personal life while being respectful of other’s opinions while learning from them as well. To me this was such a blessing as I’ve met people of differing faiths over the years and been able to have such good conversations about what they believed while doing my best to answer questions that they may have about my faith. This upbringing also gave me experience with those who were super conservative and damming of most that was outside of the 4 walls of whatever square brick building they determined actually had God’s presence in it. Ugh. Please. This leads really makes me wonder though. I don’t get how this or that person can point fingers (myself included, I’m doing it right now) at others and be dumbfounded about why they think or act the way they do. I don’t get how we’re supposed to find common ground so to speak. Sure, I’m ok with people having different ideas or opinions, but I still judge people for what they say/do/believe, and it’s not justified by me not doing it audibly. I still think oh wow, this person tries to sound so intelligent by regurgitating whatever they remember from their philosophy classes and yet they don’t really have any idea about what they’re truly attempting to say. I wonder if that’s all we can do though. We obviously can’t be like Christ. We should certainly try, but we can never be as loving or compassionate or understanding as He is. We just can’t do that, which brings up the question what can we actually do? I love the quote from Ghandi that tells us that we should “be the change we wish to see in the world” but I wonder how we can be that change without venturing into situations that will leave us pointing fingers or boasting that we’re right while saying that everybody else just hasn’t figured it out yet. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not questioning my faith here, I’m just questioning how to go about living it out. It’s tough to want to show the love of God to people while having this judgmental voice inside my head telling me why other people are wrong.

Sorry if this seemed scatterbrained/ unorganized...that’s how my brain works I guess, haha, I basically wrote this and didn't really look back over it, also I've never really been a writer. I would really love any thoughts that you have on this subject and I look forward to reading them.

it's been a little while

2009-07-21T22:20:00.000-07:00

i'm pretty sure that nobody looks at this anymore, but i thought i'd take a break from my journal and post something here instead. not much is new, still slinging produce at the finest super target in charlotte (the only one), going to my psych class 2 days a week (it's over soon!) and spending my days off reading, playing music or watching movies. still haven't really met anyone in the area that i feel like hanging out with or anything, there's some alright people at work, but they're all on different pages than i am, or so it seems. it's good though, i'm enjoying the quiet and relaxation and i've been playing a lot more music recently as i'm slowly buying some decent recording gear. fun stuff. anyway, i'm tired and have class at the crack of 8am. time for sleep.

best weekend ever.

2009-05-28T20:00:00.000-07:00

this past weekend i went on a three day trip with two of my good friends, benji taylor and zach stewart, to three venues in tn to play some music. what followed was pure awesome.

we started out from charlotte, driving to nashville, playing at cafe coco on thursday night (not yet having practiced together) and hanging out with some of my friends that showed up. the next day we secured a practice space, ate amazing burritos, had some local brews, and played a show at the frisky berry in franklin, tn to a very small but thankful crowd. the next day brought us to knoxville's preservation pub for the best show of the weekend. it was a nice place, good sound system, friendly crowd, just an overall great experience. you should probably go ahead and watch the video here to see some stuff from the trip.

2009-05-16T23:23:00.000-07:00

I was in Nashville for a year and a half, then back in WV for just over a year. I wonder how long this whole Carolina business is going to last. I wish I knew I would be just as well off without a degree as with one, I'm ready to move on with life, but I think my best bet is to just stay here and get that finished. Oh well. How is everyone [aka, the two people that read this] doing?

2009-05-08T23:38:00.001-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfGyBi8sLno

Oh Charlotte

2009-05-06T19:35:00.001-07:00

Things here are hot and stormy, weather-wise, not life-content-wise...that would probably be an awkward post. Speaking of awkward stuff, I went to the doctor today and he was pretty creepy. Trust me. Not much to say really, I'm spending a lot of hours at Target as they're training me in various areas, learning Benji Taylor songs for the TN trip in two weeks and trying to track down the elusive Sonia Maki mother's day gift. Hope you're all doing well.

PS:
Here are the dates for the Benji Taylor stuff
May 21st - Cafe Coco - Nashville, TN
May 22nd - Frisky Berry - Franklin, TN
May 23rd - Preservation Pub - Knoxville, TN

If you're in the area come out for some good music and good times.

God Bless the Colbert Report

2009-04-28T19:31:00.001-07:00

If not for the comic relief, than for the fact that last night The Decemberists were on there and played one of my favorite songs of the new album, well about half of it anyway. Hope you enjoy.

2009-04-07T21:57:00.001-07:00

"Oh God I need it. I was was wrong again. Take me to the river and make me clean again. Oh my God, make me clean again! Oh my God, let me see again!" - Manchester Orchestra - The River

I'm trying to figure out how to be the person I was created to be. I'm tired of being unsatisfied with what I have when I'm so insanely blessed. I'm tired of worrying about where I'll be next year, the year after, etc. I'm tired of having these ideals of how my life has to go for me to be happy. I'm tired of being so freakin lukewarm. I love Jesus Christ and I'm going to start acting like it.

I love this song.

2009-03-25T18:23:00.000-07:00

Manchester Orchestra "Shake It Out" from DestroyRockMusic Inc. on Vimeo.

Boredom

2009-03-18T17:25:00.000-07:00

I have been extremely bored since moving to SC. Yes, even I can get tired of playing music, surfing the web, watching The Office, sleeping...well, not really sleeping, but when I sleep too much I feel like I'm wasting away. I've started fighting this boredom by trying to get into some kind of daily routine until work starts, which is hopefully next week, that goes something like this. Wake up, check e-mail, hang out for a little bit, try to obtain more information on MIDI stuff in a live situation using Reason [which gives me headaches] playing music and then weather permitting I'll head out either before or after dinner to Panera or some equivalent to get some coffee and do some reading, mostly of the Bible. This last one has been really good for me as I realized how much I relied on my friends to kind of keep me thinking about God, in the sense that as long as we were having good conversations about it or something, I felt like I was doing OK even though I wasn't opening up the word very much. I hope to keep this up as it not only gives me some good God time, but it keeps me from buying stuff out of boredom with money I shouldn't be spending. It's been good and I'm definitely going to carry this over to my routine as work starts.

You know you like music...

2009-03-16T20:39:00.001-07:00

So I have a good friend named Matt who just bought a house and is getting married this summer. He runs a record label. Help him pay for his house by picking something up, everything in his store has free shipping within the US! And if helping someone isn't a good enough incentive, just know that I buy this stuff, so you might be able to match with me!...and I'm awesome...so that should make you want to...well...just help the dude out.

Future Destination Records Store
Future Destination Records Myspace

2009-03-04T20:49:00.000-08:00

today has been a rough day.

A good day for some Bon Iver.

2009-03-02T15:11:00.000-08:00

These videos just destroyed me.

Hope you enjoy.

2009-02-27T21:03:00.001-08:00

Last week I was having a conversation with a friend about the term “ordinary radical”. Some of you may be familiar with this term as it has been used in recent years to describe much of the emerging (for lack of a better word) Christian movements that have been seen. This title is normally used for people like Shane Claiborne or others that are radically living the way Christ has called us to live during His ministry on earth. We were talking about this label and what we thought it truly meant, which to us doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to be living in an community somewhere, or give up all you own, or wear Toms or anything like that [not that these things are bad, I just feel that different people are called to different things and that this phrase shouldn’t just be used to describe the people doing these things....also, I own some Toms...yeah son.] but that being an ordinary radical should be used for those that are simply loving others in whatever way they can, according to the Gospel when we are told to love others as ourselves which, by worldly standards, is a pretty radical thing to do. The next day I had a conversation with someone who completely is showing this kind of love to someone who they don’t really have an obligation to, and I would like to tell you about this “ordinary radical”, she’s my mom.

I don’t think that many of you know much about my sister, or what she’s doing with her life or anything, so I’ll fill you in. My sister left at 18 to go to Harding University in Searcy, Arkansas, where she studied History. She was always a decently good kid as far as actions went, was pretty quiet, spent most of her time reading or watching TV and such, but my sister also had another side. Amanda would get into these moods where something would set her off, starting an argument between her and my parents and would eventually slip into an all out tirade of screaming, cussing, breaking stuff, whatever. This was something that she started in high school, carried on throughout college and continued even in her life after college when she moved back home. One of the more prevalent subjects of arguments that happened post-college was the fact that Amanda, at 21 years old, was dating someone over twice her age. He was also our next door neighbor. These arguments continued until one day, when she told my parents that she didn’t have to take it anymore as Ed, her boyfriend, had given her a key to his place and told her that she could move in whenever she wanted. This hurt my parents more than it angered them, even more so when she actually moved in.

The next year, I obviously was 16 and my parents were still the two strongest people in my life. I had seen them both lose siblings, seen my mom lose her mother and even in these times they remained stronger than I think I will when those hardships come for me. That’s why on my sisters wedding day, the things I saw hurt me more than anything I had really dealt with up to that point. While sitting at my sister’s wedding, I watched as my parents both broke down in tears. This was not a joyous occasion for either of them. No parent hopes that their daughter will marry the rude 45 yr old city councilman from next door, they hope for prince charming.

Now back to the conversation my mom and I had. I still haven’t really forgiven my sister for the trouble she put my parent’s through. I’ve done some pretty bad things to them as well, but just seeing them hurt like that and knowing that I can’t do anything about it, well that’s something that I had almost deemed unforgivable. I still see my sister from time to time and talk to her every now and then via the phone or AIM, but I don’t like talking to her husband that much. I Just never was able to hold a conversation with him that well after all this. Anyway...when my mom and I were talking, we happened to get on the subject of Amanda and Ed and their current situation and everything. During this conversation we had recapped some of the events of the months after she moved in with him, some of the disrespectful things he said to my parents/ relatives and I told her how I still haven’t really forgiven him. My mom went on to say that she is just happy that Amanda’s happy, that she is thankful that Amanda has someone who loves her, is good to her and that things could be worse. Because of this, my mom says that she just wants to see them have a better life, get out of debt and live happily with one another. To me, this is being an ordinary radical. My mom is embracing and showing love in any way that she knows how to someone who has never really deserved it, someone who has disrespected her. I have a lot to learn from my mom.

2009-02-26T20:54:00.000-08:00

I should have a new post in the next couple days. Enjoy some free Conor Oberst for now.

Let it snow

2009-01-27T17:00:00.000-08:00

Oh man, I am loving the snow. Granted, I just ran out to get some food, and the roads are terrible, but I love it because I've been getting some stuff done around the house, getting things ready for the move and all that jazz. Hopefully tomorrow I'll get even more stuff done and maybe write some more music. As for now, I'm going to hang out with some friends, keep warm, sip a Sierra Nevada and thank God for the beautiful sight outside my window. Blessings to you.

sleep

2009-01-24T07:58:00.000-08:00

i should be sleeping in more today. i'm really tired, but i may just lay here a little longer then go face the day. i wish we had some cereal. the end.

I don't know.

2009-01-11T23:50:00.000-08:00

I feel a pretty large amount of sorrow for some people that I know. I'm not sure if the word friend really fits much anymore, but I sure wish it did. I know some beautiful people that I haven't talked to in awhile that don't even know how great they are. They don't know how much they're missing. I hope to maybe reach out to them, maybe just send a kind word their way and hope they want to talk back. I love you, whoever you may be, reading this right now.

I like this.

2008-12-11T00:28:00.000-08:00

"I think our skin and our flesh are disgusting, and we have to live in complete brokenness in order to understand any part of God. I also think we have to realize that our lives are gross and terrible and dirty. We are not good people, and we don't live good lives. For me, I believe no one is good. Not one person can do any good without God. Its a lot easier to say that to someone who believes in God than it was to say that to the guy at Warner Brothers (laughs). He brought up Gandhi (all laugh). I definitely believe that dying to self is something that's so important to me, and its something that I fail at each and every day of my life, and that's kind of the point. So that's that." - Andy Hull [Manchester Orchestra]

2008-11-28T19:37:00.001-08:00

You were made for something more than merely avoiding failure. There is something inside of you that wants to walk on water - to leave the comfort of routine existence and abandon yourself to the high adventure of following God. - John Ortberg

2008-11-27T13:48:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about how we are told that whatever we do to others, that's what we do to Jesus, and that the way we judge others is the way that we will be judged. In the words of Marty McFly "that's heavy". I need to start changing a lot of things. I'm going to try to start doing better and loving more. This is me writing with the sole purpose of telling others so that I may be held accountable. I don't want this to be pushed under the rug again, I don't want to forget about it. Let's all live and love outright.

Tis the season.

2008-11-25T22:20:00.000-08:00

It's that time of the year, time for everyone to eat a few huge dinners, take lots of naps, throw snowballs at each other, give/get some gifts, all that jazz that Jesus was born for, ya know? This is also a time of year when a lot of people don't have much to do, money to spend, or a friend to share a meal with. This is a sad time of the year for many.

Last year at this time I was still living in Nashville, TN and working at a electronic store, which means that getting time off for Thanksgiving to go home and see my family was out of the question. This wasn't a huge issue for me really, as I don't hold Thanksgiving up to be that special of a day, but as turkey day grew closer, I realized that I was going to be the only one in my house home then, and pretty much all of my other friends were going out of town for the week. The day before Thanksgiving, I was off work, heading to see a concert in Atlanta with my friend Justin, one of the few who was actually staying around, because his family was all meeting in Murfreesboro, TN [just outside of Nashville]. As we were heading out to the concert he asked what my plans were for the next day, I told him, I was going to catch up on some sleep, prepare for Black Friday and maybe play some music or something of that sort. He told me to come and share the meal with his family instead. I'm normally pretty hesitant with this sort of thing. Not that I don't like to meet new people or anything like that, I like hanging out and having a good time and all that stuff, but this was a family thing, this was not just Justin, not just his sister, but his mom, dad, grandparents, aunts, uncles....it was everyone. I'm usually so intimidated by the possibility of awkward conversations with family members of friends who I don't know that want to know who I am, what I do, what's going on in school, all that stuff, but for some reason I told him that I'd love to. The next day was not at all what was expected. There was laughter and handshakes and great food and so many awesome things. It was such a good time, and I could just feel the love from the Sauer family that day, opening up households and hearts so that I could share a good meal with them.

Just remember, that there are a lot of people who may need you this time of the year, as well as the rest of the year, and they might be closer to you than you think.

Just take the journey, some will follow you, some will sit down, but keep moving.

2008-11-03T19:49:00.000-08:00

The words in the title were spoken by my dear friend Zach Haugh. Tonight I called Zach just to see what was going on in the lives of him, his wife and his wise pup Steve, and like conversations with him always do, it turned into something awesome. I was talking to him about some things I've been struggling with, some people I've been having hard times with and how I've just had this overall feeling that I have no idea what to do/ where to go right now, and when he told me that one thing, stuff just started getting a little clearer, a little easier. Just keep moving. As long as I'm having forward motion, of any kind, I'll be doing alright. As long as I'm not staying in one place "curling up to take a nap", I'll be heading towards all things awesome. I do feel a sense of being empowered by this, and while I may not be in the most ideal situation right now for where I want to be, I can keep moving forward, I can keep doing what I need to. Who's with me?

When Life Gets You Down, Sometimes You Just Have To Make 'D4: The Mighty Ducks' Yourself

2008-10-30T20:33:00.000-07:00

When Life Gets You Down, Sometimes You Just Have To Make 'D4: The Mighty Ducks' Yourself

By Emilio Estevez

Life is unfair. That's just a fact. But when you've got no money and no family and it's been three years since Hollywood offered you a role in a film, you've got to ask yourself, "Am I going to sit here on the couch all day and wallow in self-pity, or am I going to get out there and make D4: The Mighty Ducks on my own?" Well, for me, the answer is simple: The Quack Attack is back, Jack!

Sure, I could wait for the studio to contact me. I could wait for the script for D4: Running Afowl to magically appear in my mailbox with a neat little bow on it. Or, I could brush these Sun Chips crumbs off my stomach, put on some pants, and do this thing! How hard can it be? All you need is some pluck, determination, a buddy with a camera, one of those long microphones they hold above you when you talk, a videotape, and a head full of good ideas. Ideas like that the Ducks are pro hockey players now and I'm the coach.

Bingo bango bongo. Something the whole family can enjoy.

Folks, the real message I'm trying to convey here is that we all face tough times. We all get stuck in a rut. We all contemplate slitting our wrists with the blade of the ice skate we wore in the original Mighty Ducks movie, released in 1992 to warm reviews. I know I've been there. But we have to rise above all that and keep calling Josh Jackson until he returns one of our voicemails, keep trying to figure out how to do a special effect that makes it look like a really fast slap shot burned a hole through the net and set it on fire. Because if we don't do that, I ask you, how are we ever going to get work again?

Now, I've been kicking around D4 ideas for the past 12 years, and it's high time I start putting them out there, because they aren't doing any good rattling around in my head. I got this one idea that Coach Bombay (i.e. me) is skating on a frozen pond in slow motion, sort of reflecting on his life like he always does, and then the ice cracks and he falls in. For a second it looks like he's going to drown, but then you see someone extend this hockey stick into the ice-cold water, and the camera zooms up, and it's Charlie (i.e. Charlie Conway, my protégé). He saves me. He's old now and has a beard. And he says in this really gravelly voice "Ducks fly together" and I nod at him and then the team gets back together to play in the Olympics. Then "Whoomp! (There It Is)" starts playing.

It's really all a metaphor for life and for saving people.

But like I said, that's just one idea. I'm coming up with things all the time. Like the other day, I was doing some doodles of cartoon hockey players, like a pig who's a goaltender because he's fat. It got me thinking that D4 could be half animated, half live action. Like the movie Space Jam was. This could be like Space Jam, but it can be called Hockey Jam. I could be the Michael Jordan guy.

I didn't get to where I am in life by sitting back and not making Mighty Ducks movies. And I'm sure as heck not going to stop now. I've just got to type up these scripts, and do some funny jokes and some cool new characters like a guy who can shoot a puck backwards through his legs. Also I have to find a budget somewhere, because movies need budgets. Then it's just a matter of picking up the phone and calling the old gang. I'm sure they'd be up for another sequel. Guys like Fulton, Lester, Jesse. I wish I knew their real names.

Of course, if I can't get the original actors, am I going to whine and give up? No. When life gives you shit, you've got to turn that shit into D4: The Mighty Ducks: The Prequel.

I've even got some great ideas for awesome new moves. You can't have a Mighty Ducks movie without having cool and funny ways to score goals. In the first one, we had the Flying V and the triple deke. Then in D2 we had the knuckle-puck. Well get ready for this, because this is going to blow you out of the water. Are you ready? Quadruple deke. That's four dekes! Like D4, get it? Four.

The movie will hinge on this, because—spoiler alert!—it's the thing the players will do at the end to win the final game that it looked like they would not be able to win. So this cool move, or "trick," will be an important part of D4.

If anyone reading this has any equipment for making movies with, or is a movie executive, or would like to look over my script and give me some feedback, you can reach me at coach.bombay57@gmail.com.

Wait, I just thought of another thing. We could have the Ducks face the terrorist's hockey team, and if we win, they have to stop being terrorists. That could not only be funny, but also symbolic. - The Onion

Holy crap. This is awesome.

My God, where have you been?

2008-10-29T20:29:00.000-07:00

I've been loving this song a lot lately. The last line "My God, where have you been?" first kind of hit me as being somewhere in your life and not really feeling God with you, or doubting or something along those lines, but I don't think that's what it is. When I was driving home from school or the store or somewhere equally unimportant as the previous two places today, I was listening to this, and on those last few lines I started thinking about it as being the realization that God is there, and that you just couldn't see Him or wouldn't see Him, and in your most broken you just look up and there He is. I got chills at this thought. Whether this is right or wrong as far as what Andy Hull intended when writing this song, I don't know. I don't really care. Art is meant to be interpreted. Below is a video of Manchester Orchestra playing it and some guys from Brand New come out and play drums, and Jesse sings part of the song with Andy. I hope you enjoy it. Love to all.

Free NMH/ Jeff Mangum downloads for you sooooo.

2008-10-23T07:25:00.000-07:00

Yeah, that's how Fumi would have written the title. Anyway, I stumbled on this stuff today, and I want all my friends to enjoy it as well. Gotta love Mr. Mangum.

Brad + not stuying = awesome videos for you.

2008-10-20T19:19:00.000-07:00

I can't get motivated, so here's some things I'd like to share.

Iron & Wine - Flightless Bird, American Mouth

Midlake - Roscoe

Thrice - Daedalus

David Bazan - Hallelujah

Enjoy.

Jeff Mangum plays a NMH song for the first time in 10 years. Hell yes.

2008-10-20T08:59:00.000-07:00

Holy crap. I can't imagine hearing much better news today. He played in Pittsburgh and in Columbus, two consecutive nights. This is insane. Could this bring about more appearances? Could we see some new NMH? I sure do hope so. We have been deprived Mangum's genius for 10 years too long if you ask me, so let's hope this is only the beginning. More info on it at Pitchfork. Thanks to Cara for pointing this out to me.

Thanks.

2008-10-18T12:36:00.000-07:00

I've been going through some crazy stuff in the past several months. I really hate everything about where I am right now, location and myself personally. I'm making a lot of changes, I'm praying, I'm trusting and I'm talking it through with some great friends. Thanks so much for just hearing me out and stuff. I feel like I've lost some friendships in the past 6 months or so, some were really close to me, others not as much, but for those of you who are helping me out and talking and loving, thanks. Just know that I appreciate it and I love you.

Death Cab and M. Ward...oh my this is a nice Friday.

2008-10-17T09:43:00.000-07:00

So over at the Hard to Find a Friend blog, Caleb has been gracious enough to post two shows for everyone today. The first is a Death Cab show from 2000 (lots of stuff from "We Have the Facts.." which is probably my favorite Death Cab record, and the other is M. Ward from 2007. Go get downloading, son!

Radiohead

2008-10-13T20:20:00.001-07:00

Wow, talk about random...

2008-10-12T20:32:00.000-07:00

The cooler nights show more than hot air from our mouths.
They're presenting us with death.

I'm wanting more than the existence of leaves,
how could I be evergreen?
This is harder than expected,
this is nothing that I dreamed.

The foundation is compromised - feel the collapse.

Where is the presence of grace within autumn?
Not one tree being spared of the rod,
the reaper takes to his content, the cold stealing the chlorophyll.
My fate is the same.

Crutches can be stronger when made of bone,
though flesh and marrow can tear, ligaments snap.

What bridge might my Savior be under tonight?
He has many shapes, these dry eyes cannot decipher this.

2008-10-10T22:48:00.001-07:00

If someone will buy me Sigur Ros' "( )" on vinyl, I'll give 'em a big 'ol kiss.

Chris [kind of] made me do this.

2008-10-07T20:41:00.000-07:00

A while ago I was talking to my friend Chris. Friend almost doesn't explain it in that phrase. I've known Chris since I was about 7 or 8 yrs. old. I owe a lot to Chris, he's been there for me on many an occasion, and I feel that all the influences that led me to be the guy I am today [you can judge for yourself if this is a good or bad thing, haha] comes from either Chris and his brothers or Paul Huyghebaert. Anyway, I'm getting off track.

One night I was talking to Chris and I don't remember if he asked me or if I was talking about it and offered up this information, but somehow the topic of what I am looking for in a girl came up. He begged me to post it somewhere after that conversation, so here it is, a little late, but nevertheless, here it is.

Bradley Richard Maki's Girl Prerequisites [yeah, the title needs some work]

No particular order of importance, except the first thing. [I'm trying to cover all of the bases to get to Heaven]
I'm looking for a girl that loves Jesus. I want someone who is strong, and will push me to be who I was created to be, but that needs my strength at the same time. I want a girl who is into good music. I know. This may be kind of shallow, like it may not matter in the long run, but it is so hard for me to get into a girl who likes crappy music. I don't even mean someone who likes every band that I do. I just don't want to date a girl who's music collection is mostly singles from artists that are radio stars. Yeah, I AM that much of a nerd when it comes to music. Anyway... I want a girl who is really into doing something great as far as bringing the kingdom here to earth. I want her to be passionate about something and to strive to make it happen, to work so hard towards her goal. I want someone who doesn't spend a ton of time every morning trying to look pretty under 10 gallons of makeup. Don't get me wrong, it's cool to get dressed up and go somewhere nice, but if you're not comfortable with how you look how are we even dating. I'm a fat wannabe-lumberjack. C'mon. I want someone who is strong in their choices and decisions. I'm most certainly not one to live with regrets, only situations that I can learn from, and I hope that she is the same way. I want a girl who will have a couple drinks with me. I'm not talking about going to the hottest club or college bar and getting trashed only to make some bad decisions later in the night, I'm talking about a small, out of the way pub or something that will have some decent beer or if you don't like that some wine or maybe even a mixed drink, but you get extra points if you like pale ales. I want a girl who doesn't put stock in material things. Sure I own some stuff, but that doesn't mean that I'm scraping by so I can get some crazy new Cadillac or something like that. I'm scraping by now because I work at Kroger and I'll be scraping by after school because of Sallie Mae. I trust you understand. I want a girl who will laugh at my jokes that are funny and make fun of me for the ones that aren't. Now that my friends is love.

I'm sure there are some things to add on to this, but the main point is there. Anyway, enjoy my crazy list, and if you know anyone that seems to fit...you can send them my way..haha. Hope you get a kick out of this Chris.

The Poision is a love song...

2008-10-06T20:00:00.001-07:00

I have been in this state for awhile where I absolutely love bands that are [fiction] storytellers. I remember that I started picking up on this a few years ago, thinking how crazy this or that subject matter was in a song, only to later find out that it wasn't true, it was just something that this or that frontman wanted to say. At first I was kind of turned off by this notion, I wanted "my" bands to be honest and loud and either pissed off or happy, but I wanted them to be doing this while excavating their own demons. Don't get me wrong, I still have a wonderful appreciation for this kind of honesty (not in a whiny emo way) that is so masterfully conveyed by many artists that are currently living in my iPod, but these storytellers had something else to offer. Searching for more music like this, I started getting into Pedro the Lion, The Decemberists, Neutral Milk Hotel, the more recent Fleet Foxes and last but not least my dear friends in The Apprentice (their sophomore effort "An American Portrait" really shows the talent that lies in Eric's writing).
I was recently watching some clips from the new DVD that's coming out from David Bazan (formerly of Pedro the Lion) entitled "Alone at the Mic" which consists of him playing songs in his home studio, in his truck while at red lights and interviews with him. In one of these interviews he is talking about how someone at Barsuk challenged him to write a lovesong, to which he starts talking about how he has written several, just not in the stereotypical sense. One of these songs is called "The Poison" from the last Pedro the Lion album "Achilles Heel". I thought that thinking of it as a lovesong was an interesting take on the song as it seems to me to be about defeat, although I guess love lost is still love, in some sense. Anyway, I thought I might share this song, and if anyone actually reads this, let me know some of your favorite bands that do this kind of songwriting, or if you don't have any of those, just any other kind of band that you may want to post.

Edit: I couldn't find a live video for this song, so here's one that some fan made. It's kind of weird, but not as weird as the time Andrew sang "Oh Comely" in front of the Haugh family. Semen.

2008-10-06T10:51:00.001-07:00

saw some friends last night, didn't make it to class, about to go to work, watch this video, ok, bye.

2008-09-27T23:29:00.001-07:00

i'm really sleepy. www.myspace.com/lakes

life.

2008-09-22T19:45:00.001-07:00

work. school. work. homework avoiding. little breaks for music related stuff and friends, oh and a decent beer or two. really want to take a weekend trip somewhere, somewhere hilly and cold with a warm tavern and some warm hearts. maybe i'll be able to do that in the next couple weeks.

This week

2008-09-14T01:43:00.000-07:00

has been full of awesome. Good times with friends, sharing food, sharing stories, sharing love, singing songs, talking music, appreciating Neutral Milk Hotel, learning about not ignoring the poor and seeing things that make me long to live outright for the Lord. I wish every week was this week.

Love has Seven Names

2008-09-06T14:25:00.000-07:00

Love has seven names.
Do you know what they are?
Rope, Light, Fire, Coal
make up its domain.

The others, also good,
more modest but alive:
Dew, Hell, the Living Water.
I name them here (for they
are in the Scriptures),
explaining every sign
for virtue and form.
I tell the truth in signs.
Love appears every day
for one who offers love.
That wisdom is enough.

Love is a ROPE, for it ties
and holds us in its yoke.
It can do all, nothing snaps it.
You who love must know.

The meaning of LIGHT
is known to those who
offer gifts of love,
approved or condemned.

The Scripture tell us
the symbol of COAL:
the one sublime gift
God gives the intimate soul.

Under the name of FIRE, luck,
bad luck, joy or no joy,
consumes. We are seized
by the same heat from both.

When everything is burnt
in its own violence, the DEW,
coming like a breeze, pauses
and brings the good.

LIVING WATER (its sixth name)
flows and ebbs
as my love grows
and disappears from sight.

HELL (I feel its torture)
damns, covering the world.
Nothing escapes. No one has grace
to see a way out.

Take care, you who wish
to deal with names
for love. Behind their sweetness
and wrath, nothing endures.
Nothing but wounds and kisses.

Though love appears far off,
you will move into its depth.

-Hadewijch of Antwerp

As my friend Evan once said, better late than pregnant.

2008-09-04T14:42:00.000-07:00

Which is how I feel about this. Manchester Orchestra is definitely not new to the music scene or some underground, unknown band anymore, but until a few days ago (although I had it) I never listened to their debut album "Like a Virgin Losing A Child". I've got to encourage you to check out this album if you haven't heard it yet, it's really good stuff, kind of reminds me of a Brand New feel. Anyway, it's great and considering the fact that these guys are all like 19 or 20 or something, I'm really excited to hear what their future holds.

PS - I know they had a sophomore release, I haven't checked it out, I'm still trying to digest the first one.

You could paint with one paintball gun....

2008-08-30T18:32:00.000-07:00

...or you could paint with a paintball gun with 1,100 barrels.

Yeah. That was insane.

So I'm an idiot...

2008-08-29T09:45:00.000-07:00

I totally missed the part in the Donald Miller blog at the beginning where he made it pretty clear that this was a mailing list. Oh dang.

So it's Friday...

2008-08-29T08:01:00.000-07:00

Sure I have to work for the next two days, I'm really tired and feeling a little weird, but hey, the sun is trying to break through the clouds, I'm listening to some good tunes and I only have one more class today. Couldn't ask for much more. Oh, also, Donald Miller has started a blog, and for his first post he gives us several e-mails between himself, Barack Obama, and even one from possible first lady Michelle. Donald's responses are funny, and Barack's are just a little bit strange to me, they seem almost automated or something, never actually "responding" to anything said. Oh well, if you want to check it out, you can go here to do so. Hope everyone is having a happy Friday.

I've been burning bridges and drowning, but neither single-handedly, and I didn't even realize it until now.

2008-08-24T23:38:00.000-07:00

Today was definitely not the best day/night. Most of the last hour and a half has been taken by one of each of those guys above me. I'm just glad that even though this is a little difficult right now, that I know God is bigger than all this and that He loves me and will take care of me. I just wish I was more trusting in times like this, but I guess that comes with the human territory. Anyway, I'm going to go watch House and try to fall asleep. Love.

I hate colds and working in coolers.

2008-08-21T19:39:00.000-07:00

I have a cold and work in a meat cooler for 8
hours a day. This is what i feel like. Tonight
I'll be enjoying a NyQuil cocktail and the
slumber of a man who is off work tomorrow.
See ya later world, hopefully feeling better.
Love, Brad

I love friends and grenades.

2008-08-16T07:52:00.000-07:00

So first off, I have some friends named Eric, Matt and Matt and they play music under the name The Apprentice. Right now they're on tour and even though they're rock stars they still have to pay for gas and food and stuff so if they're playing near you, you should totally go see them and buy a shirt or a cd or if not you should go to www.fdrshop.com and order one from there (free shipping to US).
Anyway, earlier in the week I got to go spend a couple days with my dear friends Zach and Cass Haugh before they left for Little Rock, AK at Zach's parent's house in Mannington, WV. It was awesome and it was 2 days full of doing man work, being put to shame by Jamesaw, fishing with hot dogs and ham sandwiches, campfires with the whole family, singing songs, telling stories, sharing awesome meals, shooting guns and throwing grenades (compliments of Jamesaw, of course). It was such a good place to go for a couple days and just be with friends. I wish I would have had a camera so that I could have some pictures to share, but this brief description will have to do for now. Go outside and enjoy the day! Love to you!

2008-08-06T23:58:00.000-07:00

every time i think i'm smart, God shows me how much i have to learn.

2008-07-30T22:18:00.000-07:00

I praise God for all He has to teach me. I feel so blessed. This is what I need.

2008-07-29T23:05:00.000-07:00

I wish I could just get away somewhere, some old house or something away from everything with some friends and write some music for about a week or so. I think that would be a really fun experience.

It's in my distrust...

2008-07-23T18:32:00.000-07:00

disease.

2008-07-11T23:36:00.000-07:00

Lots of work, lots of music, lots of movie watching and starting Sunday, I'll be at camp for a week. I just wish I didn't have so much stuff to get done before then.

Why do days off go by so fast?

2008-07-03T19:51:00.000-07:00

I never have enough time to get anything done. Oh well, it's not like I have anything too important to get done. I'm working a lot now, which is good because it keeps me from getting bored and it pays the bills. I'm heading to Tri-State in about a week which will be really awesome, I think it's the escape I need from this place for a little bit. I'm hoping to start doing some more stuff in my downtime, playing music again, reading up on music business, maybe get a digital camera so I can start taking some pictures and whatnot. I'm just ready to do something with my life that isn't college. I get so bored here, I'm just ready to get out and get a decent job and start my post-college life. Hopefully I can get all that going sooner rather than later. I do hope that everyone is having a wonderful summer. Go listen to Fleet Foxes if you get a chance.

Tonight was a great night

2008-06-30T21:07:00.000-07:00

Friendship, horror movies and now I'm listening to Lydia.

Hopefully this time I mean it...

2008-06-25T21:02:00.000-07:00

I really would appreciate prayers, I'm trying to make some good changes in my life, hopefully this time my attempts bear better fruit than last time. I love you guys.

I have been listening to this song so much.

2008-06-20T21:27:00.000-07:00

Go here and listen to 'I think She Died'. So awesome.

2008-06-18T08:50:00.000-07:00

"Well, I guess my life growing up was really good. My parents really loved me and my brother a lot. I had friends around me. I was never real popular or confident or happy all throughout school. I felt like kind of a loser. I tried to do sports and I was never any good, so I was like, the manager of the basketball team. I didn't play on the basketball team, you know? Then I got kicked off the lacrosse team, and I'd go to the dances with my friends, like, a guy who I was friends with. I never really kissed any girls until pretty late in life, but even then, I was never happy. I never felt like I found my place until...well, I started doing this band and it was like, "okay, this is the path that I'm on now, for a while, so I'll be in this band," but even then, I didn't find any real contentment until about three years ago. I went to visit this community and saw people who loved each other and I realized that was all I ever needed. It wasn't to be popular, or to be accepted, or to be successful, or to get married...any of the things I tried to do and failed, in some respect. I realized all I've gotta do is love people and if I find my contentment in serving people, and giving, and loving - then it's not dependent on what people's response is. You know? You don't say, "she's gotta love me back or else I can't be happy," or, "she's gotta marry me," or, "we've gotta sell this many records or I can't be happy," or, "I've gotta have this kind of house or I can't be happy." It's more like, no, I've gotta love people. And I've gotta love God. And that's always possible."

- Aaron Weiss of mewithoutYou

2008-06-15T20:57:00.000-07:00

I am not at all who I want to be.

2008-06-04T18:46:00.000-07:00

First of all, last night was awesome. I had the pleasure of seeing Standing Small and Cool Hand Luke in Huntington for free with a ton of friends, great times. Mark from CHL was talking last night about his faith and what he sees going on in the world right now, and he hit on a lot of things that I've been talking about with some friends lately. I'm really sick of how we (Christians) are turning people away from God. We talk a lot. We talk about how great our church is, how it's better than whatever other church, how great our youth group is, how it's cooler than youth group x and so on. We talk all this stuff, but we don't do anything that really matters. All we do is talk, then we act however we want and all we do is turn people away. If people can't see something good in the lives of those who claim Christ, then who can blame them for not taking it seriously? Sure, there are some people who simply will never believe, that's a fact, but you can't use that as a scapegoat for not caring enough to reach out to people or to live however you want. By living in a way that our actions deny our words only shows people the hypocritical side of Christianity that seems to be all most know of the faith. With this, it's easy for people to deny this, and find other fruitless things to fill the void that will ultimately present itself at one time or another during everyone's life. This is why I think it's important to realize that being a Christian is not about going to Heaven. Heaven is a bonus, it's a privilege, it's not the focal point of Christianity though. Being a Christian is about loving others, about showing that love, about helping people in need, about bringing Heaven down to earth, about striving for something better here. I'm just writing this because I feel it heavy on my heart, I have for awhile and I'm just ready to make some changes in order to do better on this myself. If you read this, thanks, I hope my ramblings make sense. Love.

2008-06-02T15:22:00.000-07:00

It's time for me to look at the bigger picture. Find out what's really important. I need to let go of some stuff and pick up all new things, things that matter, things that are real, things I can count on. I hope I'm ready for this. Also, i need to tell you something. This isn't a everybody reader you, this is a very specific you. I am constantly praying for you, you have no idea. My heart aches so much for things that have happened to you. I hope you can find peace, I hope you can see truth. It's your turn to shine, not for yourself, but for everyone else.

2008-06-01T22:01:00.000-07:00

I'm so glad I have two days off work ahead of me, because today has definitely not been the best day. Why can't I just be happy with what God gives me?

Sieze the day

2008-05-31T00:28:00.000-07:00

Today is yours. Today is mine. Life is not about regrets, life is about second chances. Each new day brings on another opportunity for us to do something better, to live for more, to be who we are created to be. You are loved. I love you, way more importantly than that, God loves you. This is your chance, today is here, waiting for you to use it, whereas tomorrow is a liar. Tomorrow may never come. Take what's yours, take this day and use it to it's full potential. "Freedom is love without condition." - Reese Roper

Oh man.

2008-05-29T12:45:00.000-07:00

Wow, the past three days have been probably some of the best of my life. They have been full of tons of cheesy horror movies, no sleeping, coffee, Mountaineer breakfast (at actual breakfast hours!), good friends, great conversation and experimental cooking on my part. That's something else I've been trying to do lately, I'm trying to branch out with my cooking and learn to whip up some new stuff. I think my next purchase is going to be an electric Wok so I can learn some stir frys and all that good stuff. So yeah, today is nice, you should listen to your favorite song and give someone a hug.

Zach Haugh is the smartest man alive...

2008-05-25T22:38:00.000-07:00

...and I am the dumbest. He told me this song was amazing, and I just listened to it today for the first time, even though I've had this CD forever. [Listened as in actually paying attention to the song, the lyrics, everything.] Damien Rice - I Remember

I remember it well
The first time that I saw
Your head around the door
'Cause mine stopped working

I remember it well
There was wet in your hair
I was stood in the stairs
And time stopped moving

I want you here tonight
I want you here
'Cause I can't believe what I found
I want you here tonight
I want you here
Nothing is taking me down, down, down...

I remember it well
Taxied out of a storm
To watch you perform
And my ships were sailing

I remember it well
I was stood in your line
And your mouth, your mouth, your mouth...

I want you here tonight
I want you here
'Cause I can't believe what I found
I want you here tonight
I want you here
Nothing is taking me down, down, down...

Except you my love. Except you my love...

Come all ye lost
Dive into moss
I hope that my sanity covers the cost
To remove the stain of my love
Paper maché

Come all ye reborn
Blow off my horn
I'm driving real hard
This is love, this is porn
God will forgive me
But I, I whip myself with scorn, scorn

I wanna hear what you have to say about me
Hear if you're gonna live without me
I wanna hear what you want
I remember December
And I wanna hear what you have to say about me
Hear if you're gonna live without me
I wanna hear what you want
What the hell do you want?

2008-05-24T22:36:00.000-07:00

I need to focus more on God's time. I don't do that nearly enough. All I do is worry and piss and moan about what's going on with me right now, without even looking at the bigger picture. I need to refocus. I need to realize how blessed I am. I need to believe. I need to love my friends more. I need to love my family more. I need to love everyone more. I need to give my life purpose instead of waiting for purpose to find my life. I need to stop talking about it and start acting on it.

Who wants in?

2008-05-23T13:55:00.000-07:00

Andrew and I are on a quest to buy and watch all the Friday the 13th movies. This journey was inspired by our friend Matt Jenkins watching all the Nightmare on Elm Street flicks a while back. If anyone wants to join us in this, let us know as it will probably be one of the most amazing things we ever do.

I love free stuff.

2008-05-20T23:07:00.000-07:00

I just discovered lots of podcasts that I should have been listening to for a long time. I've got a lot of work to do.

Open wide my door, my Lord...

2008-05-19T14:41:00.000-07:00

...to whatever makes me love You more.

Brandt Russo Interview

2008-05-12T18:14:00.001-07:00

When The Bridge had Brandt in Charleston, they filmed an interview with him, so here it is.

1 John 4:20 - If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.

Better late than never.

2008-05-11T22:11:00.000-07:00

The other day I woke up at 4:00 to one of my friends calling me. We talked for a little bit and then when I got off the phone I wasn't able to go back to sleep at all. I spent some time catching up on the new episode of the office and then finally getting up around 6:00 and going to sit on the back porch and doing something that I haven't done in a really long time. With a less than light heart, I opened my Bible, just seeing what I would open to. Psalms 119 was what presented itself to me, so I read. Everything I read was something that I needed to hear (or in this case read) and I came to a realization that I wish I had come to a long time ago. I've grown up going to church and stuff, and I've always been a pretty good kid and all that, but it wasn't until then that I realized that if I don't first find my joy in the Lord, I'm not going to find joy in anything else at all. I just hope that I really follow through with trying to accomplish this and get into reading the Bible more and do some other stuff that I've been talking to Andrew about trying to start up. I would appreciate prayer for this aspect of my life. As this aspect will mold everything else I do.

Once upon a time,

2008-05-09T06:25:00.000-07:00

Austin Kleon made "blackout" poems with newspapers and I thought they were pretty cool.

2008-05-08T15:25:00.000-07:00

Thank you televangelists.

...I need it's noises in my ear.

2008-05-07T16:47:00.000-07:00

Summer is here. I'm pretty happy that I don't have classes for about 3 months, and that I have camp to look forward to in July. As soon as I secure a job, I'll definitely feel better about it all though. I just got moved in to a new place by the park, so that's nice, and as soon as my allergies calm down, I'll be most likely spending a lot of time walking over there and hanging out outdoors more often. I guess for now I'm just spending most of my days listening to music and having good conversations with friends and I can't really think of much better things to be doing. I guess things are pretty good right now. That feels good to say.

2008-04-17T18:07:00.000-07:00

4.17.08

I’m fully convinced that school is evil. I only have a week and a half of evil left, yet in that time, I have a lot of work due, hooray. There are many good things going on lately as well though. I bought the newest Thrice (Alchemy Index Volumes III & IV Air & Earth) and Earth is amazing. I love how they completely through any expectations people had for them out the door and just did whatever they wanted to. It’s a very respectable thing for a band in their position to do, and it’s made for some great music.

I’ve been thinking a lot about love lately. I’ve also been thinking about how often I don’t show love to people in the way that I need to. I think this is something we’re all guilty of, but I’ve been feeling very convicted about this recently. All too often I see good people doing great things and also doing some things that maybe aren’t so great and lots of people, sadly especially Christians as it seems, (I’m still including myself) focus on these not so great things and just write them off as bad people, or frauds or something of that sort. Now, while I do feel that this is something that I’ve been getting better about (seeing the whole picture as opposed to flaws or mistakes or whatever) I’m not to where I feel like I should be with this at all. It’s like when I meet someone new and then they ask to be my friend on facebook or something. I’ll see their profile and they’ll have like a verse of the day or something on it, or have religious quotes on their page, then I’ll see pictures of them partying night after night, or hear from someone that they’ve been hooking up with a lot of different people or anything like that, and I’ll almost instantly judge them. I’ll just be thinking, “who do they think they’re fooling with this? don’t they know that people can see this stuff? that they can see both sides of the person, not just how they are around certain people?” and I hate that about myself. I don’t understand why it’s so hard for me to see that these actions could be their struggles, or maybe they just don’t think it’s bad. I’m not here to fool anyone, I really enjoy beer. I go out to a bar with friends about once a week and have a few beers with them. Thankfully it’s not something I struggle with, and I can see my limits and control myself, but who am I to judge others? I shouldn’t automatically assume that these people are living unmoral lives just because they have pictures up of being at parties. Hell, I go to parties sometimes too. So why must I assume that my friends and I are the only ones that have it together?

I see this happen with people of other religions as well. So many people seem to think that by not being a Christian, then you’re not a moral person. This is so ridiculous. First of all, I know plenty of Christians that are dirtbags. I’m one of them. Second of all, I know lots of people from other religious backgrounds that are way better off than I am. I just don’t get why the foundation for all the things Jesus taught is so tough for people to get. I don’t understand why it’s so tough for me to get. It seems like He laid it out pretty plain and simple for us, that we’re just to love God and love our neighbors. It sounds easy enough. I should just go out and give out some hugs to some people, tell them I love them and that people who don’t either don’t matter or are jealous or are fooling themselves, but that’s not what this is about. This isn’t easy love. If love is ever easy, in the sense of loving everybody, I don’t know if it’s really love after all. This kind of love is unconditional love. This is loving somebody when they have done something wrong to you. This is loving somebody when they absolutely hate you. This is loving somebody when they are deemed unloveable by everyone else. Ask a mother who has forgiven a murderer for killing her child. I bet she could tell you (or me) something about this kind of love. Look at how God sent His only son to die for everybody.....everybody. That means all the Christians, all the Jews, all the Muslims, all the Atheists, all the killers, the drug dealers, the child abusers, the rapists. Everybody. That is love. Sending a piece of you, your own blood, to die for so many people who you know will never even give it a second thought.

I’m not saying that I have all or even any answers. I’m still searching myself, but I know what works for me now and I know what I want to portray to others, and I try to do that everyday. I fail a lot, not just with that, but with everything I do, but I know it doesn’t matter. My mistakes carry no weight. They mean nothing. Luckily, someone already took care of that. I just hope that people see me for what I am and that what I do reflects that. I hope that I see myself for what I am as well and that I can expect no more or no less out of myself.

Sorry this was so long, and thanks if you read all of it.

“Is your love really love? Is our love really love? I think our love isn’t love, unless it’s love to the end. Is your god really God? Is our god really God? I think this god isn’t God, if He fits inside our heads” - As Cities Burn

There's a first time for everything.

2008-04-12T12:48:00.000-07:00

This is my first blog ever. Well, maybe not ever, I don't know if Xanga counted though because it was just stupid. Hopefully I'll post some interesting stuff on here, or I'll at least find some new blogs to read. I'll do a real post soon, right now I'm just trying to not do homework.