I’m fully convinced that school is evil. I only have a week and a half of evil left, yet in that time, I have a lot of work due, hooray. There are many good things going on lately as well though. I bought the newest Thrice (Alchemy Index Volumes III & IV Air & Earth) and Earth is amazing. I love how they completely through any expectations people had for them out the door and just did whatever they wanted to. It’s a very respectable thing for a band in their position to do, and it’s made for some great music.
I’ve been thinking a lot about love lately. I’ve also been thinking about how often I don’t show love to people in the way that I need to. I think this is something we’re all guilty of, but I’ve been feeling very convicted about this recently. All too often I see good people doing great things and also doing some things that maybe aren’t so great and lots of people, sadly especially Christians as it seems, (I’m still including myself) focus on these not so great things and just write them off as bad people, or frauds or something of that sort. Now, while I do feel that this is something that I’ve been getting better about (seeing the whole picture as opposed to flaws or mistakes or whatever) I’m not to where I feel like I should be with this at all. It’s like when I meet someone new and then they ask to be my friend on facebook or something. I’ll see their profile and they’ll have like a verse of the day or something on it, or have religious quotes on their page, then I’ll see pictures of them partying night after night, or hear from someone that they’ve been hooking up with a lot of different people or anything like that, and I’ll almost instantly judge them. I’ll just be thinking, “who do they think they’re fooling with this? don’t they know that people can see this stuff? that they can see both sides of the person, not just how they are around certain people?” and I hate that about myself. I don’t understand why it’s so hard for me to see that these actions could be their struggles, or maybe they just don’t think it’s bad. I’m not here to fool anyone, I really enjoy beer. I go out to a bar with friends about once a week and have a few beers with them. Thankfully it’s not something I struggle with, and I can see my limits and control myself, but who am I to judge others? I shouldn’t automatically assume that these people are living unmoral lives just because they have pictures up of being at parties. Hell, I go to parties sometimes too. So why must I assume that my friends and I are the only ones that have it together?
I see this happen with people of other religions as well. So many people seem to think that by not being a Christian, then you’re not a moral person. This is so ridiculous. First of all, I know plenty of Christians that are dirtbags. I’m one of them. Second of all, I know lots of people from other religious backgrounds that are way better off than I am. I just don’t get why the foundation for all the things Jesus taught is so tough for people to get. I don’t understand why it’s so tough for me to get. It seems like He laid it out pretty plain and simple for us, that we’re just to love God and love our neighbors. It sounds easy enough. I should just go out and give out some hugs to some people, tell them I love them and that people who don’t either don’t matter or are jealous or are fooling themselves, but that’s not what this is about. This isn’t easy love. If love is ever easy, in the sense of loving everybody, I don’t know if it’s really love after all. This kind of love is unconditional love. This is loving somebody when they have done something wrong to you. This is loving somebody when they absolutely hate you. This is loving somebody when they are deemed unloveable by everyone else. Ask a mother who has forgiven a murderer for killing her child. I bet she could tell you (or me) something about this kind of love. Look at how God sent His only son to die for everybody.....everybody. That means all the Christians, all the Jews, all the Muslims, all the Atheists, all the killers, the drug dealers, the child abusers, the rapists. Everybody. That is love. Sending a piece of you, your own blood, to die for so many people who you know will never even give it a second thought.
I’m not saying that I have all or even any answers. I’m still searching myself, but I know what works for me now and I know what I want to portray to others, and I try to do that everyday. I fail a lot, not just with that, but with everything I do, but I know it doesn’t matter. My mistakes carry no weight. They mean nothing. Luckily, someone already took care of that. I just hope that people see me for what I am and that what I do reflects that. I hope that I see myself for what I am as well and that I can expect no more or no less out of myself.
Sorry this was so long, and thanks if you read all of it.
“Is your love really love? Is our love really love? I think our love isn’t love, unless it’s love to the end. Is your god really God? Is our god really God? I think this god isn’t God, if He fits inside our heads” - As Cities Burn